Thursday, October 13, 2011


So, after my sweet baby boy went to be with God, I was constantly getting text and emails from people telling me i need to read the book 'Heaven is for Real'. For those who have never read it, this book tells a wonderful story of a little boy who visited heaven while his earthly body was being worked on by doctors. This 4 year old boy gives vivid details of his visit. Down to the color sash Jesus wore and meeting his sister that his mom miscarried, even about meeting John the baptist and how 'nice' he was! WOAHH! Once i picked this book, i couldn't put it down. Anytime a loved one passes away, there always people who say, 'they are in a better place' quite honestly, i got so sick of hearing that. I know that God has my Cayden. But as a mother, i felt like the best place he could be, is in my arms. After reading this book, i view heaven completely different. I am ashamed to say, But i never really thought of it as much mmore than a fairytale. The way this boy so 'matter of factly' describes Jesus, God, the angels and everyones wings; WOAH! There is NO way this kid is making this up! Anyways... Last night, before i went to bed, i read a few more chapters and said my prayers. As i am praying, i am picturing God sitting on the throne with Jesus on his right, and Gabriel on his left. My heart became so heavy with peace. I know they hear me. I know that i have never been ignored. I felt like i could have reached up and touched God while i was praying. Now, i have spent alot of time crying, begging, and pleading with God about cayden. Here is how that went. God, please heal MY baby boy. God, Im begging you to heal him. God, I will give up my own life if you will just let him live!! Basically i was telling God MY plans. They were not his plans. I felt like i was talking to myself. Now my prayers are a little different. God, Thank you for healing my son and taking him to the kingdom of heaven to wait for me. Thank you for giving me the strength to survive everyday life. Thank you for blessing me with such wonderful people who have supported us from the beginning.. Last night, i had a very heavy burden on my heart and while i was totally connected with God, i told him ALL about it. I felt relieved, and like i had Gods hand on my shoulder comforting me. So after finally laying down to go to sleep, i tossed and turned and asked God to give me the rest i need and give me peaceful dreams.... Peaceful dreams i asked, and Vivid, comforting dreams I GOT! I saw my sweet boy last night! I saw his wings, and i heard his giggles, he had no tubes, or monitors, It was just HAPPY and HEALTHY cayden! I feel like i have had a total weight lifted from me.I no longer worry about how Cayden is. I will no longer cry because he isnt in my arms. Truth of the matter is, he is here. He may not be in the flesh, here. But his presence is very real. So today, my prayers are, thank you God for giving me such comfort. Thank you for letting me spend a few more moments with my baby boy, and Thank you for giving me more peace than i have ever felt before. I feel like a new person. I am so excited to live the life God has planned for me!

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