Today was the first time I saw my sweet baby boy smile for the first time. Behind that hateful ventilator that gum showing smile melted my heart! I fell in love a hundred times over again! I've been a little discouraged lately because it physically hurts my heart that I can't just pick my baby up anytime because of the tubes and monitors. I can't even give my baby a sink bath like other moms. The only thing I can do is rub on him and kiss around all of the wires. Jealousy sets in. I see these other moms who didn't care as much as I did about their pregnancy who smoked, drank, done drugs etc... And have perfect babies. It honestly hurts! I did everything right. You don't understand what this feels like unless you have been there. But today when I was singing to Cayden and rubbing his belly he showed me that even behind the wires and tubes, he sees me and he feels all the love I am giving him. I am realizing how much of a precious gift god has given me. How did I become so worthy to have this kind of love? Wow. We may not have the ideal lifestyle right now but ill just tell you, I don't care if I have to stay in that hospital for 10 years. Because that's how big my love is for Cayden. If I can love him this much, I can't even begin to think about how much God loves me! So my thought for the day is thank you God for trusting me with this wonderful child. Thank you for showing me the love between a baby and a mother. And most of all, thank you for loving me so much to give your son for me. I can't imagine the pain God must have felt. But now I get it. There are going to be really tough times, especially having a baby in rnicu. But Cayden Noah Willis is a true love gift from God and there will be peace in the midst of the storm!